The Big Ask

For some time now I've been in the process of moving toward a significant life change, pursuing other career opportunities and a new start somewhere else in the South (preferably where there's an actual autumn and you can't get away with wearing board shorts on Christmas Day).

Seven years ago I reluctantly returned to my home state of Florida to lean on family and spiritual support during a nightmarish time in my life. It was something I had to do for a season — for my survival — and God was gracious to provide a good church, good friends and opportunities for me to pursue my passion for worship music. But it's never been "home," and certainly not any kind of "promised land." It's been a place of rebuilding and mending, often a land of wandering and want, while God tested my faith and gave me back the identity the enemy had stolen from me. It's been the Land of Just Enough.

That season is over. But crossing over into a land of new beginnings has proven to be an equal test of my faith.

In the last few months I've sent out multiple dozens of résumés all across the Southeast. And from those who had the professional courtesy to give me some sort of feedback (a rare thing nowadays), I had several phone interviews and about ten face-to-face meetings. Chattanooga, Atlanta, Baton Rouge, Nashville, Knoxville, Miami, Tampa, Savannah ... each one seemed like a perfect fit. Each hiring manager commended me on my experience and the quality of my work. Each time we talked money and start dates. Each time things looked so good I had my bags half packed. And each time — SLAM — right in my face.

The first few times I took it well, knowing that God was in control and I absolutely didn't want to be somewhere He didn't want me to be. But after the fifth or sixth "Dear Shawn" letter, I heard that ancient whisperer of doubt and lies telling me this is all God has for me, or that He's punishing me for some unconfessed sin. I thought "maybe there's some unfinished task I've been blind to and I need to figure it out before He allows me to move forward." I've felt like Sam, that guy in the TV show Quantum Leap, who would be waiting to be teleported to another place and time after finishing his assignment, only to be told that there was one more, usually unknown, task to be completed before he could move on.



Why'd they ever cancel that show? (sniff) Great stuff.

I currently have nine résumés out there, for which I've had one phone interview. That was nearly three weeks ago. Since then my phone has been silent, my email empty, and my faith seriously tried. But the Lord has kept one theme constantly in front of me during this confusing time: Ask; seek; knock.

I get it, but it's not easy for me. My friends would say I'm not a "give-no-quarter" guy. I'm the dude that's hauling my butt over to the airport at 1 a.m. to pick them up when everyone else has kicked them into voice mail. "Take-no-quarter?" Yeah, that's me. If I can't make it happen on my own merits I shouldn't expect anything. But that's not the character of God. And a season of seemingly unanswered prayer isn't the sign of a reluctant Giver; it's God changing me.

The accounts of Jesus' response to the news of Lazarus' impending death, and of the Canaanite woman whom He rebuked have always been hard sayings for me. Why did He tarry so long? Why did He turn her away? So that God might be glorified. So that persistent faith might be shown in the midst of need.

What would it mean to me to get some great job because of what I've done? Not nearly as much as knowing without a doubt that God alone opened that door for me. What does He want me to do while I'm waiting for my "leap?" To need Him and to ask, knowing He will meet my needs.